budak pantai last fri was lovely.
i actually felt happy &laughed heartily.
thanks smurfie for introducing them to us. :)

nus dance ensemble's this wed/thurs.
i'm bias &always will be towards them.
every year they have a concert, every year i wanna watch them.
every year, somehow its either it clashes with something else or something just kills that excitement in me to go. &again, its the same this year.
whatever la.
i'll just use tap to make up for the excitement.
laopo let's not miss this week's lesson k.

dinner with drea tmr.
ayeeba cant go cos she's got swimming.
ame cant decide yet cos she has school the next day.
&the whole world forgets that ___ is in ___.
just as well.
bond with the books.

was talking to b the other day &hon, i know you're trying your very best to encourage me
&boost all that moral etc etc..
its gonna take time. bear with me alright? i know you will. -smiles-

&ever so often, i wonder if i actually deserve being in exco..
was telling b that maybe its cos i was put to work with __________
thats why i sorta stood out?
even mr president's beginning to doubt me..
joking joking, yes.
but its making me doubt myself too.
&once again i cant say or blah cos there's no longer such things as freedom of speech
&most of the time pple start judging instead of reflecting anyway
so think whatever you want.

only one person has ever told me that he's proud of me.
drea &abu's been wondering why i've been underperforming the past few years.
i dont even know which direction my life's heading towards.

we all have a passion for something..as to whether or not its our talent or strong area, thats another.
&even for the one thing in my life that i have a passion for,
i lost the drive for it for various reasons.
i'm way below mediocre in many things. even in the thing that i have a passion for.
*laughs* wow..i'm gonna be so sucessful in life.

&many things around me are changing. priorities readjusting.
b made me realise that i'm too attached to things, to pple.
making me open to things like hurt &disappointment.
&each time i pray with all my heart that i wouldnt notice things that i dont wanna notice;
be sensitive to things &just let it be;
&i thought a promise was made cos the person valued the friendship;
but i also realised that the value of the friendship in the person's heart is diminishing when the promise no longer seems to matter to the person.
small matter, it is; but it hurts you know.
jokes aside..sometimes jokes're just covering underlying issues.
people i used to be able to reach out to..people i wanna/still wanna reach out to..
are moving beyond my reach.

&there's that famous saying.. "there'll always be cliques in a clique"
i hate separation, distinction, politics.

cliques.. am i really a part of them?
exco.. do i really belong in there?
f****y.. let's not even go there.

&i'm feeling fat-ish all over &everywhere. =(
need to cut down on everything &everything.
&i look into my wardrobe &i really feel like throwing almost everything i own away.

need to start saving..
i wanna contribute to the d**p** fund.
even that i'm having trouble with. =(
running a deficit.
i'm a lucky girl..i have someone who loves paying for me..
what if i didnt. i dont like the feeling of having to ask for sponsorship.
&it gets even harder whenever certain situations arise.

maybe i should start asking the nutnut to teach me how to speculate the toto nonsense.

b, i'm sorry that each time i see you, it always starts of with me pouring everything out/being all depressed &whatever other nonsense you have to tolerate from me. if not for you, think i might've blown. you're about the only one i can actually pour everything out to now. the only one who'll understand even the things unmentioned.
thanks for always ending my day nicely. :)

made me remember my good ol' friend eugene..who always tried to ensure that i start &end my day perfectly happy during the days when i was down in the valleys. those were the days. *smiles*

thanks drea.. you know why i'm thanking you for. :)

i want my happy pill.. =(